After two weeks of ignoring any post that does not look like a Christmas card or present my “in-tray” (the hall windowsill) is overflowing. Now I have the tedious task of sorting through it. I can tell at a glance that at least 50% of the pile will be filed in the log basket. Unfortunately junk mail finds its way to remote islands or capital cities with equal ease. 

I assume that the remaining buff envelopes contain bills – and most of them do – but my eye is caught by something more interesting. This is a letter from SEERAD (Scottish Executive Environment and Rural Affairs Department) to inform me that the Sheep Quota belonging to the previous owners of my property has now been transferred to me. I am the proud new owner of SAP (Sheep Annual Premium Scheme) Quota for ten sheep. 

I’ll admit straight away that I know absolutely nothing about sheep except that they taste good with mint sauce. Despite having listened to Radio Four’s “The Archers” for at least 20 years, I don’t seem to know very much about farming at all. Another steep learning curve looms ahead.

My choices seem to be either to sell the quota to someone else, or to get ten sheep myself. If I do nothing then the government will absorb the quota back into the national pool. As I have 24 acres of grassland that need to be managed in some respect, some grazing animals are a good idea. 

I phone my friend and unofficial agricultural adviser who suggests that I get gimmers (18 month old sheep in lamb for the first time) or in-lamb ewes (older sheep who have already had at least one lamb) but not ewe-hogs (grown lambs who have not yet had their first pregnancy). This will mean that I don’t need a tup (ram) this year (if at all – perhaps one of these can be begged, borrowed or invited over the fence when required?). 

Then there is the question of breed. I head over to my farming friends for more advice. Well, I could go for a purebred flock or for cross breeds. Suffolk, Shetland, Cheviot or Texel cross breeds: they all have pros and cons. Lighter, heavier, docile, stroppy, produce fat lambs or lots of lambs. My head spins.

Our local SEERAD office has thoughtfully sent me some bumf to get me started. The “Hill and Upland News”, “Golden Rules for a Healthy Flock” and “Identification of Sheep and Goats: advice to keepers” look fairly digestible. “The Rural Stewardship Scheme” looks hefty but interesting as do the “Crofting Counties Agricultural Grants Scheme (CCAGS)” Guidance Notes. As for “The Integrated Administration and Control System (IACS) Explanatory Booklet”, I think calling it a booklet is extremely optimistic – it is heavy in every sense.

Another envelope contains my “Claim for Sheep Annual Premium (SAP) 2002” form plus some handy “Notes for Guidance”. Claims must be in by 4^th February. Yikes. I may have to shelve my novel for a while and burn the midnight oil in company with this stack of agricultural information. 

I go to bed with my head full of acronyms: SEERAD, SAP, CCAGS, IACS. Attempting to read the IACS booklet is the equivalent of counting sheep. I am asleep within minutes.