How did Christmas creep up on me like that? I feel as if I have only just moved in and yet here we are in the throes of Christmas parties, school concerts and a plethora of Orkney style knees-ups. 

When we moved, at the height of last summer, I envisaged being super organised for our first Christmas here – freshly decorated, book-lined rooms, re-covered sofas, tasteful lighting, curtains, floorboards. That sort of thing. Then I imagined all the baking and other fancy food preparation I would achieve, whilst also relaxing for some quality time with my children over the holidays. Delusions of Domestic Goddess status, perhaps?

Well, we are sort of halfway there with all of these things. Our rooms are half-painted – ceilings and skirtings are such a bore. Curtains never seem to get to the top of the priority list and with nearest neighbours half a mile away we hardly need them for privacy. The floorboards are still stacked in the byre (so we have, at least, got them). It could be said that we have book-lined rooms but a more accurate description would portray boxes of books concealed behind sofas and under side-lamps. Shelving is one of those things I haven’t quite got my head around just yet. 

With two puppies assiduously chewing the furniture (despite repeated applications of Tabasco sauce to all the corners) there seems little point in new coverings for awhile yet. Indeed I suspect re-upholstery may be required by the time they are grown dogs. The only electrician here has a waiting list longer than the length of the island, so my new lighting desires will have to wait.

In the baking department, after the first month four-year-old Fenning gave up asking me when a cake would appear out of our exciting new food mixer. In the last week it has been dusted off and pressed into action (definitely no time to read the instructions and find out what all the extra attachments do) to create batches of buns and cookies. Fenning has watched in dismay as these get bundled into tins and whisked out of sight. These, of course, are for the many Christmas functions to which everyone brings something savoury and something sweet. My “savoury” is pizza and my “sweet” is chocolate cookies. This is the full extent of my culinary repertoire. At any rate I would not want any of my other culinary creations to be exposed to public scrutiny.

I am proud to announce that I have been super-organised in the present department. Having lived on islands before, I have gift-buying down to a fine art. I order everything through mail order catalogues in October. That includes cards, wrapping paper, Christmas decorations, tins of fancy biscuits (oops, shouldn’t a Goddess be making those?) and even edible Christmas stockings for the dogs and a fleecy numnah for the horse.

On this treeless island I had notions of artistically decorating lengths of driftwood. But even Christmas trees can be ordered through the local store. After eleven years with a partner who didn’t “do” Christmas I am now delighted to be able to decorate my house to my heart’s content. And, as I think any visitors will agree, it is certainly copiously and joyously decorated. Who cares about tasteful?